june 18

(Yawn)  Pardon me. I am just so weary. I would say tired but that doesn't seem to describe it well enough. Our weekend away was fast and furious. Athena and I were on the road by 6:58 am, smoothies in hand. Note: don't make such a large one next time. Your bladder cannot handle that. We drove out to the farm to unload my myriad of house plants. Paul was already there digging trenches to divert the water. Lots of water all pooling around our foundation. It had rained for 3 days straight. By the time we got to Jackfish Lodge it was after 10am.

The anniversary weekend went well. I met all of the people from his work and their wives. What a good lot!  We played games (not my thing but I did it anyway), had lots of visiting time, good food and entertainment. A magician/comedian. He came around to scope out the audience so he could see who he could include in his act. I have been to enough of these things to know that Paul is ALWAYS included and so am I by association. Needless to say we were part of the act. He calls us up, asks us how long we have been married. Paul tells him 30 years. He turns to me and asks me if he can read my mind by now. I emphatically say "No, he cannot."  He can't believe this and says he will prove he can. I cut a card from the deck. He proceeds to give Paul a gigantic card with the magician's picture on it to put on his head. He has me show the crowd my card. 6 of diamonds. Then he tells Paul to pick my card. "3 of Clubs!" Paul shouts out. The magician whaps Paul on the head with the card and says "18 years and no one has ever f***ked up this joke!" He turns the gigantic picture card to the audience and of course it is the 6 of diamonds. That's my guy. Anyway... it was a nice time. Athena and I didn't get to sleep until near midnight and who knows when Paul came back to the room.

After Sunday breakfast we head back to the farm and I leave Paul there and Athena and I head back home. He has much to do there and I have much to do at home. So again, we are apart. Last week he was gone all week and this week he plans to come home on Thursday. It is wearing on my for sure. Him too. At least I have my own bed and a hot shower. He is sleeping in a camper, eating takeout and showering in a tiny, tiny cubicle in an RV. I have the better lot.

Back to the condition of the farm... I wasn't anticipating mud. Not that much anyway.

june 14

 

 

Is it possible for a cat to be expecting kittens and not bulging out at the sides? Sometimes she looks pregnant. Other times, not so much. I calculated from the time I saw her mating and my calendar says 'Kittens due week of June 17th'. I'll be watching her but I am not entirely convinced there will be kittens at all. If there will be there won't be many. After I knew she had mated I 'saw' 4 kittens in her belly. Guess that vision was way off. ;)

I told Athena that we could keep any males Martha would have. If you haven't heard a queen in heat then you may not know why I don't want females. Plus, I don't want to run a kitten farm so Martha will have this one litter. Athena wants to name them Scorch and Gary after some movie she saw. Nope. Not going to happen. Her interest in movies changes so fast and anyway, those are horrible names. Then she decided to name them after some of the herbs in her Herb Fairies course. If she has four they'll be named Melissa, Stellaria, Tago and Viola.  Tago is the only male. Oh help. But like I say, I don't even know if there will be kittens at all.

We are off this weekend for a rainy Anniversary celebration with Paul's work. Athena is looking forward to the buffet and the magician! I am looking forward to coming back home.

june 13

 

Three days he has been away. A small number to many. Not to me. After all these years I still miss him when he is gone. He has been working so hard at his day job, coupled with trying to get this house ready for us to move into in 10 days. Trips to the farm, nights away for work all equal up to not seeing each other much at all lately.

I got an email from him this week that said "How is the packing going? Is Athena doing okay? I can not wait until we are living in the house and we can start to have a normal life again.Love you. Paul" And I can't wait either.

I packed like crazy this week while he was away. There are boxes stacked everywhere. Neat stacks because amid all this chaos I still like order. Athena slept in my bed last night which was a disaster. It had been a while. She had a mosquito bite that she scratched non stop. I hear Martha hissing and spitting at another cat several times during the night and I couldn't sleep, which is not normal for me.

Paul is on a plane heading home tonight. Athena is taking an extended bath and I just did my weekly housework and got the coffee ready for the morning. I'll be long asleep by the time he gets home but I will hear him shower and slip in beside me. Oh my but this is a difficult time.

This weekend we are back to Jackfish Lodge for his company's 30th Anniversary party. It is a weekend outdoor thing. The forecast is for heavy rain. This is not my thing at all. Hotels, buffets (gasp!) and lots of people. I don't want to go but I have to. After breakfast on Sunday morning we are off to the farm where Paul will stay most of the week and Athena and I will make the trip back Sunday evening. Back here to pack, try to whittle down the freezer contents and welcome Miss Martha's kittens into the world.

And so another uncommon, unusual week begins. There is an end in sight. I just hope at that end the water is hooked up so I can have a hot shower. :)

june 11

In some ways I am very surprised at how poorly I am handling all that is going on these past weeks. In other ways, it is not a wonder. What I do know for sure is that things ALWAYS go better for me when I am regularly practicing yoga. I miss my studio space a lot. Paul says he thinks I am doing great but I know better. I know myself very well. I usually hold up well under pressure. I maintain an even keel, a level head, a calm heart. These days it is taking more and more effort.

 

Packing has begun. I am packing up what I know I won't use or at least what I hope I won't suddenly need from now until the 23rd. My wise sister in law told me today to think of myself as camping for the next two weeks. Good advice, except I hate camping. I know what she meant and it helped me a lot.

 

 

The men at Paul's work have been extraordinary and I don't use that term lightly. Volunteering to do whatever he needs. Going out to the farm after their work to do more work for him even when he isn't there. Bringing pizza and beer and offering whatever they have. It is so humbling and if anyone deserves it, it is Paul. He is like that. Will do anything for anyone, especially his girls, whom he adores. It will be so good for him to have a group of friends again. Delisle has NOT been good in that department. It is a very cliquey town. We don't have many friends here at all. Despite having invited dozens of people to our home to share a meal, only one family (our elderly neighbors) has ever invited us back. It is so sad and we are not the only ones to think this town is like that. It was a huge disappointment and we are glad to leave for that reason alone. It looks like our new home, although more isolated than a town is better than this already and we haven't even moved there yet. I am so looking forward to that sense of community.

 

 

june 09

After yesterday's trip we ventured out again. Paul had a lot to do at the farm. Small things like nail the house to the foundation :), build a landing and some stairs so we could get in, build the platform for the shed. You know, things like that. Of course I jest. His list is as long as... well, forever.

We were quiet on the way up. We were all tired. I woke Athena up at the last minute and blended up some breakfast smoothies for us to have on the way. Mine was kale, blueberry, almond and yogurt and Athena's was peach, strawberry, almond and yogurt. Paul, who believes food should be chewed (lol) ate before we left.

Although we were quiet we were so much looking forward to seeing the house on the foundation. Paul told me I would want to clean it a bit before so I brought a few supplies to do that. The land is so green and vibrant and alive. I took many pictures through the windshield on the way up.

When we got there and I walked into the house I nearly cried. No really. The house was dirtier than I had ever seen any one's house ever be. AND the dust wouldn't sweep up as it was caked on. I was so in despair that I actually used my index finger to write an expletive that begins with an F in uppercase letters, with and exclamation point in the bathtub. After stomping my feet and slamming things around, I rolled up my sleeves and Athena and I got to work. After a trip to Canadian Tire for supplies and several hours and two "once overs" on the floors, I barely made a dent.

All was not lost. A colleague of Paul's lives on a farm right at the end of our driveway across the grid. He has two children. Farm kids. The best kind. Kids who like to be outside and run and play and get dirty. Callie (10) and Chase (6). Athena played with them all afternoon while their dad rolled up his sleeves and started helping Paul without being asked to do so. Amazing. Another of his colleagues brought his 5th Wheel up for Paul to stay in next week and for me so I wouldn't have to keep peeing outside. On a side note... have you ever tried to pee outside without getting your shoes wet? Not an easy task.

 

Our idea to be back before dinner and grill some beef tenderloin was not manifest. We left late, filthy and tired and oh so stiff. We ate lunch at a diner in Radisson called Red Bull. They had the buffet, which I do not like (all those people touching the spoons!) but which was right up Paul's and Athena's alley. The more she works and plays outside the better her appetite. She even had room for dessert. I had a BLT. I figure if the restaurant is iffy, that is the choice least likely to give me food poisoning. They had wine on the menu. 4 bucks. I  asked the waitress what kind it was. She said, "It says merlot on the bottle" which she pronounced mer lot. I had a glass anyway, just in case. (Red wine prohibits any food born pathogens from multiplying in the gut.)

PS The builder is going up tomorrow to clean the house. I didn't get around to cleaning the bathrooms so it was a very good thing I erased my handiwork in the bathtub before I left.

june 08



We made a whirlwind, and I really do mean whirlwind, trip to see our newest granddaughter. We were gone by 8am and back by 8pm. Six hours of driving in between. She is lovely and sweet (and sweet smelling) and oh so new. Just a few weeks old. They call her baby B. Her name is Bianca.

 

And... my one and only Lily of the Valley flowered that very day. Smells almost as sweet as the baby.

 

 

 







 

 

june 06

We ride our bikes almost every day. I wonder if we will do the same when we move to the farm. Maybe. We stop at the same spot every day. "The forest" she calls it but it is merely a double row of about 20 trees that abuts the golf course. One day last week, as she runs down the centre of the tree lined lane a duck flies out.

"Mom did you see that?!" she hollers, barely containing her amazement. I tell her there must be a nest and it isn't long before we find it. Seven eggs. Water no where in sight. We have gone back every day just to peek. Mama duck is getting used to Athena's visits as it takes her longer and longer to fly the coop.

Today she stood patiently, not ten feet away, as Athena peeked in. No ducklings yet. Should be soon. Athena secretly hopes they hatch when she is there so they imprint on her. That way when we move to the farm in less than three weeks she can take a box full of kittens AND a box full of ducklings with her.

june 04

I feel caught adrift in an ocean I don't want to be on. I have a to-do list as long as both of my arms and although I know I should be packing I find myself walking around trying to find anything to do to avoid packing. I get some boxes, marker, tape. Then I decide to quickly check my email first... for 45 minutes. Don't I need to bake some cookies right now?  Maybe I could just sit down and read for a minute or two.

Speaking of reading, I find it interesting how the genre of my recent Amazon purchases has changed in just one short year. These are the most recent to come into my mailbox.

Even my magazine subscriptions are drastically different from one year ago. No more yoga journal, alternative medicine or Victoria. Instead, they are replaced with nitty gritty how-to offerings. So interesting and right up my alley.

All this to say, I don't like the "in between". I don't feel comfortable there at all. I am not so good at living in two places at once and I look forward with eager anticipation when I can live in one space. A house divided will not stand. Turns out to be very true for me and my divided life at the moment.

june 3

We awoke at 5am. Much earlier than our normal 6:15. "It's too early" he says. "Go back to sleep."
I sense something is wrong. I turn over and sleep until 6:30. He is nervous about the road he made. He is thinking about the house sliding off the truck and into the ditch. It is only a 2 hour drive but 9 hours later, the house is on its foundation. He is weary and sore from work but he is happy.
Organizing the tradespeople is next. So many things yet to do. So many schedules to work around. He won't be home until long after I am asleep. He'll wash the day's work off of his skin and slip into bed next to me and as he always does, he will lift up his left arm and tuck the pillow on top so I can come lie on his chest. He'll be asleep in minutes and I will return to my pillow. One day closer.