First of all I really want to thank you for all of the kind words of support and encouragement you gave me on my last post. I tell you, you friends are real and dear to me. I am not surprised by the response. It is amazing which people in your life step up and give a little help when needed just as it is surprising which people don't. I appreciate all of your words.
And it is a new day for me and a new day for Athena. I am a big supporter of home schooling. I still think it is the best way to educate a child. I am not the biggest fan of public school, I don't mind saying. As we have now entered that realm my job is not to criticize but to support and I intend to do so. The days start early. It has been a rush to get the girl up and out the door. The bus pulls up to the end of our road to pick her up at 7:50am and drops her off at 4:20pm. Long day. Then she spends some time with homework and eats her lunch. She doesn't seem to have much time to eat it, she says. I hope hunger will prevail soon.
Paul leaves for work around that same time and I am here alone. Alone with the cats and dogs I should say. It is going to take some getting used to. It has been a long while. It is almost as if I have to get to know myself all over again. My essential self has been put on a shelf for quite some time. I have a big opportunity here ahead of me and I want to use the time wisely. There are so many ideas floating around in my head about how to fill my days. I will still have the work of this homestead to manage. Right now I have more tomatoes than I know what to do with. Tomorrow I will make a large stock pot of marinara. It will be nice to have tomatoes that don't come with a side serving of BPA!
My desk was all ready to go for the upcoming school year. I love to learn so I might just learn some things on my own. Our tree study I planned wasn't just for her. I had a notebook ready too. I will also have more time to read. While perusing my shelves for a book to read for no other reason than I just want to, I came across a book I bought some time ago and haven't had the chance to read. Magical Journey by Katrina Kenison. Sometimes the right book just falls into your hands at the right time. I am not too far in and I have so many pages dog eared already. A particular part, right in chapter one nearly slapped me right in the face:
"I tried to sneak past my fiftieth birthday without a celebration, stunned to realize I now had fewer days left on earth than I'd lived already. And, having crested the arc of life and begun to make my way down the other side, I'm a little weak-kneed, unsure of my footing on this scrabbly descent. How and I supposed to feel about aging in a world where beauty is younger than forty years old, where wrinkles mean it's time to consider "getting some work done," and where I often feel invisible when I enter a crowded room? Going down turns out to be harder than climbing up; it seems there's more to this second part of life's journey than meets the eye- and without the familiar landmarks of day-in, day-out family duty to keep me on track, I'm not at all certain of the path ....The days are full enough. And yet, the question nibbles at my edges: What now?"
And so, what now? It will be bittersweet I am certain. A little desk remains empty. The girl who used to sit there is now expanding her horizons. She is tired but she is so full of joy and excitement and stories and wonder. Every day is better than the one before. So I rest in the knowledge that I gave her the foundation she needed to take this next step. I did what I had to do and now I am again doing what has to be done.
In these first few days I have renewed my yoga practice. I am giving myself an hour of each day on the mat. My years of yoga have taught me to hold things loosely, whether they be material goods, relationships and even stages of life. And now as I am only a few years away from fifty, I will have the chance to find out what I am made of. One thing I know for sure, in my future, there will be chickens. And maybe a goat or two. And a duck. Just because.