Thursday, October 3, 2013

Pensive October

A month has passed by since I found myself "unemployed" so to speak. That is to say, I lost my day job of educating my little one. It has gone by rather quickly and I have little I feel I have accomplished in terms of projects and such.

It is odd to have the days alone in the house. The flurry of morning activity has not been my favorite part. It is too rushed, and mornings seem to come too quickly, despite my early bed time. I wake, make breakfast for Paul and Athena, get Athena's lunch made and packed up and have a cup of coffee or two while doing so. I tell Athena to hurry up about twenty times and still I have to tell her yet again. We gather her backpack and summon the dogs and walk down to the bus. At 8am I am back in the house, alone.

I seemed lost at first, not quite knowing what to do. I had a big expanse of time in front of me and I didn't know how I was to spend it. At first I felt sad about Athena going to school. Then worried. Then I thought it was just until the end of December. And now, after a month, I think it may be working out for her. She has found a friend!! She joined choir. She is learning to pay more attention in class so as not to get much homework. She is looking forward to school events and field trips too. So this may not be a temporary stint after all.

And now, with a different mindset, I must move forward. October has always been my favorite month. Crisp, cool mornings and warm, brilliant afternoons. The beauty of autumn is not lost on me. The colors of the leaves, the sounds of the geese, gleaning wheat from the freshly harvested fields, the crunch of leaves underfoot and the smell,... oh the smell of the moist autumn woods. All of those things touch me like no other month can.

I am now wondering what this season of my life has to teach me. I have spent more time in these past few weeks just thinking, just being, than I ever have before. There are no school plans to make, no classes to teach, no spelling words to correct. I can fill my days how I choose.

I ordered a whole lot of wool from Knit picks. I have some big knitting plans in my future. I would like to move beyond the basic sweater, hats, slippers. Will I be able to teach myself? Will I be able to sit still long enough to complete a project?

I have put more books on hold than ever before. Not school books but books for myself to read. Fiction even (gasp). Whether I will actually read fiction remains to be seen. I put movies on hold too. (I know, gasp again). The best Drama movies of 2012. Whether I watch them remains to be seen as well.

I have an e-course I would like to finally do. I purchased it and printed it out and saved all of the links way back before I started schooling Athena at home 4 years ago. Never did find the time to get into that. And yoga, sweet yoga. I want to make my practice more regular than it has been this past year.

And of course I would like to make this piece of earth into a viable homestead so there will be a lot of reading, learning and planning for things like organic gardening, composting, chickens, goats and a duck or two. Plus there are the dogs. They could use some training beyond the sit, stay, come.

I want to learn too. I want to walk alone in the woods (but bring the dogs as it is almost time for the rut and the bears need to fatten up too), I want to sit and observe the world around me. The chipmunks, the birds, the deer, the sky. I really need to identify all those trees we have. It bothers me not knowing what they are. I have a list of interests a mile long and I will now be able to pursue them.

There is much that has to be done and much that I want to do but I don't want to rush into anything. I want to be fully present, fully engaged and fully aware of this second half of my life. It is a beautiful thing to have the freedom to do so and am very grateful for a husband who can make it happen.

1 comment:

Tara said...

A blessing then, after all? I'm happy to hear that Athena is settling in and finding her way at school.

I'm sure you will fill up your days with many good things!