Thursday, July 29, 2010

Disclosure (Delete)

I had a real, true, raw blog post all written up ready to publish. It was an "I can't do everything by myself all the time" kind of post. It was a post about how "I have so many things that I want to do for myself but I feel too much obligation to others to do them" type of post.It was all about how I need to feel valued and don't really. It was how I feel like I have to work harder than anyone just to prove that I don't just stay at home and watch soap operas and eat candy all day long. It was all about duty as a wife and as a mother. But then... I deleted it all. I felt too guilty writing it, like I would hurt some people's feelings. Like perhaps it was just me being selfish. And then I thought of how we all just write about the good stuff on these blogs of ours and that people don't want to read about the struggles and hardships of day to day living.
And then, I deleted my post and decided to post pictures of the garden in full bloom. Of my little love with a handful of raspberries picked from a deserted house next door. Of her in her playhouse, happy as a lark. Of a Mourning Dove whose song is so sad, but really has nothing to lament when it is all said and done.
It is our 27th Wedding anniversary on Friday. I am 45 years old. I have three adult daughters and one 6 year old daughter. I have 3 granddaughters and one son-in-law. My name is Michelle.

Happy Weekend.


Jen said...

You should have posted it!

Nice photos though, I like the wildflower one.

Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary.
love mom

Dawn said...

Happy Anniversary!
I've written many a blog post like the one you said you deleted, and done the same thing. I'm not sure why either. I don't mind when other people write about the hard stuff, in fact sometimes it's very helpful,letting me see I'm not alone. Your garden is very beautiful though. ;)

Tara said...

Happy Anniversary Michelle. Yeah... sometimes the internal struggle gets the best of me too, and I've edited and deleted many posts for fear of "oversharing".

I find I'm way more introspective and emotional in my old age... LOL!

Have a great weekend friend :0)

denise said...

I hear ya. It is a struggle some times - and some days (especially with the back pain stuff) I feel like I just don't have enough in me to 'do it all' when I am almost 43 with two young boys!!! Argh!! But then they laugh and smile, our CSA box day comes and there is 40 pounds of food to process, the garden needs watering, things need to be cleaned, I see a nice pattern I would love to do, and so on and so on and I just keep going.

I delete posts sometimes - well, quite a few times. Or, as often they get stuck in my head, thinking, oh, nobody wants to hear me moan and groan. But of course that is life, it is good it is hard, moms never take time for themselves and we love it but sometimes are resentful of it, usually only resentful to ourselves for 'letting' ourselves always take the load. :) What can ya do.