Thursday, September 9, 2010

Seeker of Balance


As you may or may not have noticed, I have changed my profile description to read "Seeker of Balance". Now more than ever I feel a deep need for it.


Maybe its because in the past six months we have begun home schooling. Maybe its my age and all the hormonal changes associated with it. Maybe its none of those things. Whatever it is it is calling to me in a real palpable way.


My husband bought me a hand made leather bound blank unlined journal when we were in Victoria in the spring. The pages are rough enough for charcoal or watercolor art yet smooth enough for journaling as well. It remained unused on my bookshelf until just the other night.


After I had my evening shower and slipped into my bed I took it out and began to write. In large letters, right in the middle, without premeditation, I wrote the word Balance. It kind of took me by surprise. I decided to go with it. I began brainstorming. What did balance feel like to me? And sure enough, I started to write words. All kinds of words in different styles of writing.


Strength

Love

Calmness

Clarity

Peace

Stillness

Contentment

Joy

Grace

Spirituality

Health

Equilibrium

Fulfillment

Happiness

I am on a personal journey. I long for all of these things in my life. Some I have. Some I don't. Some are elusive. Some come and go.

Then I asked myself, "What do I need to do to move toward balance?"


My very first response was to dedicate myself more fully to my yoga practice. I know I have said it a million times before and now I say it again, I am never more myself than when I am on my mat. Never. And I have been there, more than ever. I have been practicing almost every day and I love it. I grounds me. I makes me feel fully alive. Fully me.


A few months ago I went into a Fair Trade import shop in the city. I looked around at all of the wares. Beautiful handcrafted items. Coffee and tea. Chocolate too. Instruments, baskets, purses and jewellery. I am not one for jewellery but a particular bracelet caught my eye. It was make of wood beads, 6 different strands. I picked it up and slipped it on my wrist. I knew I had to have it. It made me feel... balanced. I was pleased to learn it only cost $14. Every morning after I wash my face, brush my teeth and dress, I put my bracelet on and I smile. Like I said, it grounds me. It is a simple, organic reminder of who I am meant to be.


I put it on and I carry on. Just a small thing that keeps me balanced.


And so as my journey toward balance begins, I have to learn to put myself on my priority list. I have to care for and nurture my soul. I have to become the woman I was meant to be for myself, for my husband, for my children, for my family and for the (Universe, Great Creator, God, Shiva or whatever your name for that which is greater than you.)

4 comments:

Sara said...

Those are beautiful words you wrote in your journal. It sounds to me like you are well on your way to where you want to be. It is all about the journey.

Jen said...

Very nice Mom. I long for some balance too.

Dawn said...

I loved reading all those words from your journal. I to, am trying to have more balance in my life.

Tara said...

It is so easy to forget ourselves as we fill up our days meeting others needs.

I am so guilty of putting myself last on the list.

Good for you for finding some ways to nurture yourself. Strong mamas
make for strong families! Hugs to you..